If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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