my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize