then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't turn off my feet"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
