You're completely useless in the revolution.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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