all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
