i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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