my mouth tastes like poor choices
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
