i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
