the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
