You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
