I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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