Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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