When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
