Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize