The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
