If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
