She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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