I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
