CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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