I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
