i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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