so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
