What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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