Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
