this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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