Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize