He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
