so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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