No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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