She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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