If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
