Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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