Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
