Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
