Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
