well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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