ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
