when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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