i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
