Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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