Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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