Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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