Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
