Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
