If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
