dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
