dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize