and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
