please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
