Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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