I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
3pm strippers are depressing
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
