chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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