Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
