shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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