talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
