I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize