she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
