But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
