Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
