$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
