Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
