just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
