So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
