I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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