My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
