I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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