i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
